Did You Mourn
by Fallain
Summary: Thors thoughts while he's standing on the mountain with Loki in the Avengers, having his brother back with him after he believed him to be dead.


He had mourned Lokis death once.

He would not do it again.

After Odin pulled him up from where he hung over the edge of the bifrost, the spear in his hand light as a feather without his brothers weight on it, he had to be forcefully taken back to the castle or else he would have sat there on the broken remains of the bridge, staring down into the dark abyss that had swallowed his dear brothers life, his hand still tightly wrapped around the spear as if his body thought that by not letting go of the spear he could still somehow pull Loki up. As if Loki was still hanging there on the end of it.

But he wasn't. He was gone. And no matter how long Thor stared down over the edge, he would not reappear. No matter how much he desperately wished that it had been just another one of Lokis illusions that fell, it had been his real brother, and the real Loki wasn't going to peek out from behind a corner with his trademark grin spread across his lips.

Odin took his arm, the men taking the slow walk back to the palace instead of riding Slepnir. They both needed the time to collect their thoughts and emotions, needing to break the news to Frigga, his dear mother that had thought of Loki as her true son ever since the moment Odin came back from Jotenheim and placed the small bundle in her arms, and who would mourn his death as her true son still.

He left his fathers side only once they were inside of the palace, his feet taking him a path that they had long since memorized. Up the stairs, to the right, around the corner, past his own room and then to the right again, left him standing in front of Lokis bedroom door. He had never hesitated to enter his brothers room when they had been younger, but suddenly the solid wood blocking his path seemed forbidden, leaving him cold and almost afraid to push it open. So many times in his life, he had entered this room and seen Loki sitting inside, reading a book, taking a nap on his bed, or perhaps on his balcony looking out over Asgard. His balcony faced the north, looking towards the bifrost while Thors had faced south, looking over the mountains. Odin had once told them both that this way, they could both look out after the city, but suddenly it seemed cruel to be able to see what was now Lokis grave so clearly from his home.

Pushing open the door with an unsteady hand, everything still looked exactly as it had been the last time Thor had been in here. One of the emerald green curtains billowed in the wind from the open balcony door, beckoning Thor closer. It teased him, whispering the secrets of Lokis life that it had seen and he would never know.

The room looked like Loki had just stepped out a minute ago and would return any moment, but Thor knew he didn't need to worry about being caught. He collapsed down to sit on the empty bed, his legs feeling weak for the first time in his life and no longer wanting to take the effort of standing up without his brother to lean on for support. The bed was cold and blankets neatly folded, making Thor wonder when was the last time that Loki had even slept. Had his mind given him the mercy of sleep while it had been slipping away, driving him into madness?

Laying down, with his face buried in the pillow, he could still smell Loki on the fabric. Sweet, yet with a hint of something that Thor could never place, adding to the mystery that was Loki. If he closed his eyes, he could still see Loki laying there, his eyes as green as the blanket he laid on, shimmering in the moonlight as he gazed back at Thor. His eyes were always so bright and full of life, so captivating yet mysterious. He hated remembering the way they shone with unbearable pain for the briefest of seconds before going blank and empty as he made up his mind to let go of the spear and fall but he knew he'd remember that dead look in Lokis eyes for the rest of his life. The last time Loki and Thors had looked at each other would haunt his nightmares for an eternity.

Now when he opened his eyes, those green eyes that he thought he'd never see again were back and dark, glaring back at him with a hint of disbelief. If he looked close enough, he could see the tears starting to form in the corner of the emerald green, forcing himself to look away.

"Did you mourn?" Loki's voice slid out of the darkness, and no matter what the situation at the moment, Thors heart still leapt at the sound of it. No matter what havoc Loki had wrecked or what schemes he was planning, he was alive and right here within Thors grasp. And Thor wouldn't let him let go again.

"I did. We all did."

And he would not do it again.


End file.
